There was this one time I was on campus and finished early (like, 11am early). Not wanting to wait for my lift club until 5 I thought, lemme do this ting and make my own way home.
Generally, I will buy fruits, download some videos and make my way to A block to take a taxi via mowbray to town.
This day, I done messed with the standard procedure and I didn’t buy the fruits, nor did I get the taxi at A block.
I didn’t even download funny videos.
Anyway , vehicle in motion and I say ‘ alooooo, I’m headed to town ye ‘. door executive says alrightttt and off we go.
As we get to voortreker, the Shoprite, I get distracted by the fact that I forgot my earphones at CPUT. so I’m already low-key getting miserable. THEN , FLIPPING HELLL this okie jumps in, lies down on me (I’m seated behind the driver thinking about the loss of my headphones) and reaches for an entire butcher knife in the cubbie hole.
Let’s start with, who drives with a butcher knife ? Nje casually vibing with long af metals in the cubby hole
Anyway, so then, another dude comes through and grabs this guy who’s lying over my knees and tries to stab him. So up until this point for some reason I wasn’t tripping. Until I realised that if they stab this guy successfully, it’s gonna be blood on my baby blue jeans. And then it’s gonna look like I leaked heaaavvyyyy on my jeans. Uhmm. Nope.
And I must still hop onto the myciti? Nope. THEN I must also be a witness in court? Oncee more I say, nope, not for me. So i tried to get out the window ( and mind you hey, the driver is chillinggggg. The old lady behind me lost her shit and threatened she was getting a heart attack).
So I’m tryna get out the window and this car whiiizzzessss skkkkkrrrrrrrrrrrt passed me and I’m like ‘oh snap. Didn’t think that one thru. Thanks God. You spoke real quick about that decision huh.
By this time, the guys are now fighting outside, and throwing bottles about. So I tell the drive , ‘ listen, I’m gonna wait at the next stop. Don’t you wanna fetch me from there when you start leaving?’ and I leave. As I’m walking, tiktiktiktiktik, this bottle literally flies passed my head. Juuuust missed me. :/ And I was like ” mm. uhm, are you tryna tell me you get back into the taxi Jesus? :/ ” coz snap, if it hit me , that would have been a proper concussion. Like, Me vs Mayweather kinda KO I think. I don’t know, I suspect that’s what the effect would have been.
So I turn around and get back into the taxi and the adults shut down the fight, and we getting going once more. Calm taxi ride enroute to town and the taxi team is acting like nothing happened. Playing Adele remixes even.
I’m evidently shook, and the door exec says to me ” as ek hier is baby girl, Dan is jy ok. Moenie stress nie. Ontspaaaaannnnn
ok? Jys vuilig as ek hier is ”
safe where? Homeboi was straight up sucking on a samoosa when all these kids were playing game of thrones and he says ‘ ontspan, eks heir ‘
We get to town and he hugs me and says it will never happen again. (‘-‘ ) well shit. I’m not be there to find out if it does or doesn’t. I’m with my lift club all day errday now. Banele was writing until 6.30 , I finished at 12, and I STAYED at school.
I have learned that all adventures are not needed. Where was I going ? What was I rushing home for anyway ? I must stop being forward.
Also, my name means God Protects. Which probably explains why I always come out of dodgy situations unscathed. Therefore, I would like to request that I be called Chizoba and only Chizoba. Anything else, like Chi Chi or ( I’ll accept Kiki, coz it’s an affectionate name♥) and I will mize.
I will Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder and be deaf all at the same time. Times are getting rough outchea for me to be denying the security that comes with my name.