After many hours and countless plane snacks, we’re in Nigeria, Lagos.
( Quick note: British and American Nigerian boys are so, SO hot. Looking like that vegan, nut free pet friendly organic olive oil kinda deep 95% dark chocolate. Wow. Best, flight ever. It was basically a student flight consisting of the above-mentioned. #blessed)
I sat next to an Andre from Empire lookalike on my right, and on my left was a chief keef lookalike. The two extremes of life ey. Lessons everywhere. During nap time, chief keef fell asleep on my shoulder and drooled a bit. His dread was basically in my ear, that time Andre fell asleep like a nigga from the army would. Up straight and hands to himself. Omg 😭😍 he was so handsome. I know it would appear that I was staring at someone’s child while he was asleep. But that’s really not the case – we had an extensive chat. Just saying.)
Anyway, we’re in the father land and real quick, the differences became apparent.
To begin with, the airport security wore something similar to an army outfit so whatever attitude I might have had because of chief keef, disappeared real quick. quick quick quick🚶.
Walked out the airport and it’s chilled, everybody waiting for their babies to walk out and then in a distinct voice I hear ” kee^-kee”. My dad says my name only he knows how. There’s like a tune to it, so even though I couldn’t see him at first, I definitely heard him. That’s my papa yo !
lol we regroup, and do all the reunion things you find in the movies except there’s no crying, just my dad immediately talking about mosquito nets and maleria vaccinations (‘-‘ ) lol this was realer than I thought. My friends from Angola said I’d die from maleria if I went there coz I’m a weakling. My constant sinus and I – so for my dad to talk about maleria so early in the game I’m already tripping. Then I saw a poster about Yellow fever 👀.. stress.
My dad said I could drive, so obviously I got excited. 👏 So much responsibility, I get to drive me dad around – but I got in on the wrong side lol and he said ” you don’t know what side we drive on? You’re not ready. ”
Evidently I played my self. I mean, im already on the passenger side so I might as well play my part.
It was roughly 23.30pm when I arrived but it was like long street on a Friday. 😵
Traffic, vibes, and so many street vendors open still. I started thinking about why I’m always broke. Coz I don’t know how to hustle man :(. By 4.58 at work I’m packed and READY to go – don’t even think about asking anything about the supplier at 5.59pm. what is a supplier , even ?
It’s 5 to being the next day and businesses are booming here. Gotta fix that, I thought. There are no active robots, so everything gets treated like a circle / roundabout. Everyone knows this so the roundabout ettiquette is real. Like, there’s no fighting or extreme hooting at each other. Everyone knows the rules.
We get home and bru, lol those African Magic movies don’t lie 👀 papa is in a hugggeeee ass house complete with a door guy that opens the huge steel door that makes gang loads of noise. Like, sneaking out is really not an option here. Not that I ever thought to. But if I did? Fail. Loss. Bafana Bafana. Arsenal.
My dad’s a natural early bird so by 7am the next day, life was in motion. I came downstairs wearing a summer dress and straight up my dad was like ,😂 ” is that what … Do you have something else ? ”
So I’m like ” no .. ” low-key offended coz I thought I looked cute. I mean, it was flipping hot so like, I’m in context. Turns out I wasn’t.
In the father land, huns don’t do what we do in SA. The women there dress modestly even on hot days, but like flameeesssss. And the brow games everywhere were so strong. How at 7.30 am are your brows that strong ? :/
I felt like an underachiever. The huns there 👏 don’t 👏 play. Just imagine JHB huns on a super Saiyan level. Like, why are you like this for a walk to the corner store for milk though? 😔
Additional note : the dust there, is next level. I get why the Nigerians in SA wear flip flops and socks coz as soon as you step out, your shoes or toes are done. Imagine you spend 45 minutes making yourself look like a wholesome snack and then the sand does you dirty. Literally.
I was given a day pass on my outfit and we went to visit the fam. 🚗🚗 On the way, I’m telling my dad about Andre and Chief keef. He asked me if I took Andres number, and I was like ” no.. he’s from DC. that’s so far “. My dads like, ” so that means what ? You don’t have a phone? You have family there. What if you were to visit them? You could always let Andre know. How are you gonna communicate with him? ” . I wasn’t tripping coz I’m thinking nah, it’s ayt. I’ll find the boi on the gram. The new age Google.
We arrive in Festac,and I look like everyone on my dad’s side of the family 😂 if I shaved my hair all off, I am my dad and every uncle there.
When we went to visit my great gran 💕, I was rehearsing in my mind what it would be like. Would she be frail? Would she know and remember me ?
We got to travel with the okapi ( is the motor bike called an okapi?) And it was littt. Had the hot air blowing through my very bad hair. Homie was manouvering through the people’s and the potholes like an assassin on the low. tsuuuuu, tsuuuuuuu, tsuuuu-tsuuuuuu. 🚨🚲🚲🚲🚲 My word, it was amazing. Definitely a tourist vibe I’d recommend.
Imagine the grace and agelessness of the saying ” black don’t crack “. Coz that’s what it is. Great gran greeted us with SO much life and zest I was tryna calculate if this is really a great grama. After stuffing my face with chin chin and learning the respectful basics of igbo (coz I love chin chin and by the next time I visit I should be able to at least have a one liner chat in igbo) the death jokes started rolling in.
” Come visit again before I die. ”
” Hahahahaha, that’s if I’m still alive”
” …I could die tomorrow. ”
👀 lol I’m freaking out in my mind coz I mean, I’m 4th generation and my great gran is killing herself with laughter and death jokes 💆 no stress here, son.
It’s time to go and just like in the Nigerian movies … the guap made an appearance ,😋😏 my dad was like nooo, don’t walk is out it’s fine, rest.
” I’m almost blind in one eye I’m not lame ” – her response. Skrrrrrrrrt. #Spice
so we are the gate and I get handed a thick asssss stack of naira bills 😭 lit. lit. lit.
The day continues and we head to the mall the get new appropriate stuff for me coz I looked like a mess and I could cav my dad wasn’t impressed. Can we just establish real quick ,that checkers is a big deal Nigeria. Im not sure why, and if it still is , but after getting hair, make up, clothes and food my dad took me to checkers just to peep the vibe.
Okes were talking proper couple selfies and the yougins were just hanging about like we do at the mc d at kloof street after a turn up. Issa vibe. 🎶🍾 lol this may seem a tad extra, but it is what it is..
We spent more time with family and then made a young trip to a beach party and my itinerary was set. Chizoba, you’re going to see your grandmother.
New destination : Calabar 🎈🎈
Call for assistance Andre introduced himself as ‘ Keys’ coz I couldn’t pronounce his name. I think he said ‘ Kehinde’. He is Yuroba, and his name has an ‘H’ innit. What name could that be ? Looking for the potential love of my life. 😍